Cowboy jokes 

Three cowboys
were hanging out in the
bunkhouse. ''I know that smart aleck Tex,''
said the first. ''He's going to
start bragging about that new foreign car
he bought as soon as he
gets back.''

''Not Tex,'' the second cowboy replied. ''He'll always
be just a good
ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say
is hello.''

''I know Tex better than either of you,'' said the
third. ''He's so
smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he
comes now.'' Tex swung
open the bunkhouse door and shouted, ''Audi,
partners!''

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire
seats
in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed
this
he whispered to the cowboy, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only
allowed one
seat.'' The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher
became more
impatient. ''Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm
going to have to
call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.

The
usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned

with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the

cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The
cop
surveyed the situation briefly then asked, ''All right buddy,
what's
you're name?''

''Sam,'' the cowboy moaned.


''Where ya from, Sam?''

With pain in his voice Sam replied.... ''The
balcony.''

A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy

in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six
shooters.
''Excuse me, sir,'' said the police officer, ''who are
you?''
''My name's Tex, officer,'' said the cowboy.
'' eh?'' said the police
officer, ''Are you from Texas?''
''Nope, Louisiana.''
''Louisiana? So
why are you called Tex?''
''Don't want to be called Louise, do I .

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back

on the ranch about his
first visit to a big-city church. ''When
I got there, they had me park
my
old truck in the corral,'' Joe
began.
''You mean the parking lot,'' interrupted Charlie, a more
worldly
fellow.
''I walked up the trail to the door,'' Joe continued.

''The sidewalk to the door,'' Charlie corrected him.
''Inside the
door, I was met by this dude,'' Joe went on.
''That would be the
usher,'' Charlie explained.
''Well, the usher led me down the chute,'' Joe
said.
''You mean the aisle,'' Charlie said.
''Then, he led me to a
stall and told me to sit there,'' Joe continued.
''Pew,'' Charlie
retorted.
''Yeah,'' recalled Joe. ''That's what that pretty lady said
when I sat
down
beside her.''

Teacher: When do
astronauts eat?
Pupil:
At launch time!

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are

to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought
to
the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last
request,
to which the cowboy replies, ''Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be
mighty
grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me
bahfore ah hafta
go.''

''Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that,'' says
the warden. He turns to
the biker, ''And you, biker, what's your
last request?''

''That you kill me first.''

The cowboy
was trying to buy a health
insurance policy. The insurance agent was
going down the list of standard
questions.

''Ever have an accident?''

''Nope, nary a
one.''

''None? You've never had any accidents.''

''Nope. Ain't
never had one. Never.''

''Well, you said on this form you were bit by
a snake once. Wouldn't
you consider that an
accident?''

''Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.''

Who is in cowboy films and is always broke?

Skint Eastwood.

What do you call a frog who wants to be a
cowboy?
Hoppalong Cassidy.

Who do zombie cowboys fight?
Deadskins.

What did the cowboy maggot say when he went
into the
saloon bar?
Gimme a slug of whiskey.

The swing doors of the Wild
West saloon
crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury.
''All right!'' he
raged, ''all right! Who did it? What goldarned
varmint painted my
horse blue?''
The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and
town baddie
rose from a chair by the door.
''It was me, shrimp,''
he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, ''what
about it?''
''Oh,
well, er,'' stammered little Pete wretchedly, ''all I wanted to
say
was. . .when are you going to give it another coat?''

Who do
zombie cowboys fight?

Deadskins.

Swint and Fess, two Oklahoma cowboys, were
resting their
horses out on the range.

''What'd Emmaline give
yew for yore birthday?'' asked Swint.

''Pair of cufflinks,'' said
Fess. ''But I ain't got no use for them. I
can't even find anyplace
to get my wrists pierced.''

Visitor: Wow, you have a
lot of flies
buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them?
Cowboy: No we
just let them go barefoot.

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire

seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed

this he whispered to the cowboy, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only
allowed
one seat.'' The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher
became more
impatient. ''Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm
going to have
to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.

The
usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned

with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the

cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The
cop
surveyed the situation briefly then asked, ''All right buddy,
what's
you're name?''

''Sam,'' the cowboy moaned.


''Where ya from, Sam?''

With pain in his voice Sam replied.... ''The
balcony.''

Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were

about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the
three men
to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was
that when
each man had died, they'd cut the rope and he'd drop
into the river
and drift out of sight

They put the first
cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasy
he slipped out,
fell in the river and swam to freedom.

They tied the noose around
the second cowboy's head. He, too, oozed
out of the rope, dropped
into the river and got away.

As they dragged the third Texan to
the scaffold, he resisted, ''Please!
Would yaw'l tighten that noose
a little bit? I can't swim!''

Three cowboys
of the world are sitting
around camp talking about how tough they were
and the tales kept
getting bigger and bigger.
The cowboy from Australia says, ''I wrestled a
200 pound crocodile and
may it cry like a baby.''

The Cowboy
from Brazil shakes his head and says, ''I killed a 400 pound
steer
with my bare hands.''

The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept
stirring the campfire with
his leg.

Q: Why
can't the bankrupt cowboy
complain?
A: He has got no beef.

Why did the cowboy get a hot seat?
Because
he rode the range.