College jokes 

Teenage Driver: But,
officer, I'm a
college man.
Policeman: Sorry, but ignorance is no excuse.

Why do University of
Arkansas graduates
tape their diplomas to the windshields of their cars?
So they can park
in handicapped spaces.

An applicant was being interviewed for
admission
to a prominent medical school. ''Tell me,'' inquired the
interviewer,
''where do you expect to be ten years from now?''

''Well,
let's see,'' replied the student. ''It's Wednesday afternoon.
I guess
I'll be on the golf course by now.''

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher

stay awake every night?
He was trying to find a cure for
insomnia.

Why don't Purdue athletes
eat pickles?

They can't get their heads in the jar.

What does the N on the Nebraska
football
helmet stand for?
''Nowledge.''

How do you know a Brigham
Young student's
been mowing the lawn?
The welcome mat is destroyed.

Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!

Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket?
Professor Yes, but
I thought it was mine!

Did you hear about the
Louisiana Tech
professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours,
wondering where
he'd seen himself before?

''Professor, I hear your wife has had twins.

Boys or girls?''
''Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy
but it may be the
other way around.''

Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon?
Student:
When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.

What do you get when you
cross a Texas
Aggie with an ape?
A retarded ape.

How do
you measure a Villanova graduate's
I.Q.?
With a tire gauge.

How many Wake Forest
fraternity brothers
does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
Seventeen. One to do it
and sixteen to shell the M&M's.

What do you
call ten Utah State law
students standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

How do you get a Texas Tech senior's eyes to
sparkle?
Shine a flashlight in his ears.

Did you
hear about the Western Kentucky
professor who kissed the door goodbye and
slammed his wife as he went
by?

And then there was the UCLA professor
who
opened up his vest, pulled out his tie and wet his pants.

''Did you hear? Lament's gettin' a
Ph.D.''
''What does Ph.D. stand for?''
''in his case, Pin-headed Dope.''

Why did the Oregon State psychology
major
climb up the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other
side.