Men 

What is the definition of ultimate rejection? Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. ''How do you account for this?'' he asked the brothers.''It's hereditary, sir,'' the older one replied.''I see,'' said the doctor, writing in his file. ''Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?''''No sir, our mother.''''Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!''''I know, sir,'' replied the recruit, ''but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.''

THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL ALL MEN ARE WAITING FORCover charge: $15.00 Round of drinks: $23.00 Table dance: $30.00 Another round of drinks: $23.00 Couch dance and tips: $50.00 A round of shots: $34.00 A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125.00 Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00 Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: PricelessFor everthing else.... There's MasterCard

WHY IS AN IMPOTENT MAN LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE?-THEY BOTH HAVE BALLS FOR DECORATION

How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Once some boys got together to play poker one night, after about 4 hours of playing, Tim had severe chest pains and suddenly slumped over, one of the gamblers who happened to be a doctor, examined him, and to everybodies shock, poor Tim had died of a heart attack.All his friends didn't know how to break the news to his wife, finally Johnny said: 'I can be diplomatic about it and break the news gently!'.Johnny rang the bell at Tim's house, and when his wife answered the door, he calmly said to her: 'Tim just gambled with us and lost 1,000 dollars!' When Tim's wife heard this she said: 'Tell him to just drop dead!' Johnny answered: 'That's exactly what he did!'.

Men come in three sizes: Small, medium, and Oh My God!!!

What is a man's best friend? His dick because it always sitcks up for him.

How is a man like a snow fall? -You never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Have you heard the one about the . . . . . . . recent survey on cigarettes which found that 90% of the men that tried Camels still prefer women.

The way to a man's heart is through his feet(but you need a long knife).

How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two to show off and shake the stove.

Why can't a man eat like a bird?Have you ever tried to pick up food with your pecker?Sent by Chris

Why do men like blonde jokes?? Because they can understand them.

Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?Because women don't get blowjobs while they're driving.

What's a man's idea of foreplay? -A half-hour of begging.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional? - In real life, men aren't affectionate in bed.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? - No one knows. Its never happened.

There was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick,and one with a nine foot dick.The guy with the rubber dick couldn't have sex because it wasn't hard.The guy with the wooden dick couldn't have sex because the otherperson would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with a nine foot dick says, ''See that girl overthere? Bam. Got her.''

A guy says, ''I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.''''Yeah what happened?'' asked the other.The first guy replies, ''Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.''