Children jokes 

Dick and
Jane were arguing furiously over
the breakfast table. ' Oh you're so
stupid!' shouted
Dick.
'Dick!' said their father, 'that's quite enough of that! Now say

you're sorry.'
'OK,' said Dick. 'Jane, I'm sorry you're
stupid.'

Mum: How can
you practice your trumpet
and listen to the radio at the same time ?
Son: Easy. I have two
ears!

'William, I've been told that you have
been fighting
with the boys next door,' said mum.
'yes, but they're twins, so I
wanted some way to tell the
apart.'

Eddie's father called up to him, 'Eddie, if
you don't stop playing
that trumpet I think I'll go
crazy!'
Eddy replied, 'I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour

ago.'

George knocked on the door of his friend's

house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, 'can Albert
come out
to play?'
'No, said the mother, 'it's too
cold.'
'Well, then,' said George, ' can his football come out to play

?'

'Why are you crying, Ted ?' asked his
mum.
'Because my new sneakers hurt.'
'That's because you have put
them on the wrong feet.'
'But they are the only feet I have.'

'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting
for the Old Folk's Home.
Shall I give him Grandma ?'

John kept pestering his parents to buy a
video, but they said
they couldn't afford one. So one day John came
home clutching a
package containing a brand-new video.
'Where in
the World did you get the money to pay for that ?' asked
his
father suspiciously.
'It's OK, Dad,' replied John, 'I've traded the
TV in for
it.'

A certain little boy had been spanked
by
his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that

evening, the boy called out sulkily, ' Mum ! your husband's just come

home.'

'Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen,
'you know that dish you were
always worried that I would break
?'
'Yes dear, what about it ?'
'Well your worries are over.'

Two girls were talking in the corridor.
'That
boy over there is getting on my nerves,' said Clarrie.
'But
he's not even looking at you,' replied Clara.
'That's what's
getting on my nerves,' retorted Clarrie.

Mother: I told you not eat cake
before
supper.
Daughter: But, Mum, it's part of my homework. 'If you take
an eighth
of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.

On the first day at school the girls were

sizing each other up and boasting, trying to make good impressions on
each
other.
'I come from a one-parent family,' said one little
girl proudly.
'That's nothing. Both my parents remarried after
they got divorced. I
come from a four parent family !'

A little
girl was next in line. 'My
name's Curtain,' she said.
'I hope your first name is not Agnate
?'
'No, it's velvet !'

Trevor: That's a cool
pair of stockings
you have on Jill. One red and one green.
Jill: Yes, and I have
another pair just like it at home.

Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your
whistle. Your father can't
read his paper.
Jackie: Wow, I'm only
eight and I can read it

Mother: What do you mean, the school must be

haunted ?
Daughter: Well, the principal kept going on about the
school
spirit.

Mary arrived home from
school covered in
spots. 'Whatever's the matter ?' asked her mother.
'I don't
know,' replied Mary, 'but the teacher thinks I may have
caught
decimals.'

Jennifer: Are you coming to my party
?
Sandra: No, I ain't.
Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not
ain't. It's I am not
coming, he is not coming, she is not coming,
they are not coming.
Sandra: Blimey, ain't nobody coming ?

The second grader was in bed with a cold and

high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to
know.
'One hundred and three,' said the doctor.
'What is the world
record?'