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Náhodný vtip

Tragicky poziar v Bielom dome spustosil osobnu kniznicu prezidenta G.W.Busha. Obe jeho knihy boly znicene. Prezident je stratou zdrveny, hlavne preto, ze druhu nestihol vyfarbit celu.

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Jokes found: 8543

How do you separate the Greek boys from the Greek men at a Greek BBQ?With a Crowbar!!!!!

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How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight?He enters a duck.How can you tell if a Pole is present? He bets money on the duck.How can you tell if an Italian is present?The duck wins.

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Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.''Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ''Happy Hour'' and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..'' And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.The officer sighed, and said, ''Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.''Indignantly, the man said, ''Why? Don't ye believe me?!?''

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0101.sk

The only good thing to ever come out of Oklahoma:An empty greyhound.

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Out All Night Drinking An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. ''So, you've been out drinking again!!'' ''How did you know?'' he asks. ''The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.''

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Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.

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Did you hear about the tramp who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, ''Lady, - I haven't eaten in three days.'' ''Force yourself'' she replied.

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Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.''Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse''. ''Ssh!'' hisses the other, ''It's not till next week''.

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Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.''Well, Morrie, how's your warehouse business going?''. ''Oy vey, Abraham, it's not going so good, we had a flood last week.''''So, Morrie,'' whispers Abraham ''How do you start a flood?''.

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There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo. They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said ''Watch this!'' and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. ''Not bad'' said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said ''Watch this!'' and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. ''Wow, that's colder than mine!''said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said ''Watch this!'' and went into the bedroom, looked under three hugh back thick furs, and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a spoon, and held a match under it. When it heated up enough, it went ''FFFAAAARRRRTTT''. He won..............................................................

Hodnotenie:
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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afforda larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told himthat he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, ''I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'' So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beercan, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. ''1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . '', at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand...

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A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.The Customs official says, ''Have you got anything to declare?''He thinks a second and he says, ''It's a nice-a day!''

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A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, ''So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?''She says, ''Bernie, I want a divorce.'' He says, ''I wasn't planning on spending that much.''

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You know what that little red dot means in the middle of an Indian woman's forehead? ............................''Coffee's ready.''

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Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, ''Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me.'' The Father said, ''Tell me who the lady was.'' The lad said he couldn't do that and the Father said he couldn't grant him forgiveness unless he did. ''Was it Mollie O'Grady?'' asked the Father.'' ''No.'' ''Was it Rosie Kelly?'' ''No.'' ''Was it that red-headed wench Tessie O'Malley?'' ''No.'' ''Well then,'' said the Father, ''You'll not be forgiven.'' When the lad met his friend outside the friend asked, ''So, did you find forgiveness.'' ''No,'' said the other, ''but I picked up three good prospects!''

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Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to buy a chain saw ? He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day. He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later complaining that it only cut one tree and that took all day. The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what the problem was. The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?

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A negro was travelling in china. In a remote village, he came upon an elderly chinaman skipping stones across a lake. At each bounce of the stone off the water, the mountains surrounding the lake echoed back, ''CHING...CHANG...CHUN...'' The negro was amazed. He asked the chinaman what was going on. ''Oh'', said the chinee, ''magic spirit of the lake echo back the names of your ancient ancestors as your stone skip upon the sacred waters''. ''Wow'', said the negro, ''can I try it?''. ''Certainly'', replied the chinaman. The negro picked up the biggest stone he could find, and gave it a mighty heave across the waters...and as it skipped across the waters, the mountains echoed back ''CHIM...PAN...ZEE....''

Hodnotenie:
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. ''Why of course,'' comes the reply. The first man then asks: ''Where are you from?'' ''I'm from Ireland,'' replies the second man. The first man responds: ''You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.'' ''Of course,'' replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: ''Where in Ireland are you from?'' ''Dublin,'' comes the reply. ''I can't believe it,'' says the first man. ''I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.'' ''Of course,'' replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: ''What school did you go to?'' ''Saint Mary's,'' replies the second man, ''I graduated in '62.'' ''This is unbelievable!'', the first man says. ''I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!'' About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. ''What's been going on?'' he asks the bartender. ''Nothing much,'' replies the bartender. ''The O'Mally twins are drunk again.''

Hodnotenie:
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An American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, ''These remind me of my husband's testicles.'' The American woman says, ''That big?'' The Iranian woman says, No...that dirty.''

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Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation, she asked a Brave,who had only one feather in his headdress, ''Why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses?'' His reply was, ''Me have only one sqaw, me have only one feather.'' She asked another Brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This Brave had four feathers in his headdress. He replied, ''Ugh; me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws.'' Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of sqaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the Chief, ''Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?'' The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, ''Me Chief. Me fuck-em all. Big, small, fat, tall. Me fuck-em all.'' Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, ''You ought to be hung!'' The Chief replied, ''You damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like snake.'' Ms. Walters cried, ''You don't have to be so goddamned hostile!'' The Chief replied, ''Hoss-style, dog- style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all!'' With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, ''Oh dear.'' The Chief said, ''No deer. Me no fuck deer. Asshole too high and fuckers run too fast. No fuck deer!''

Hodnotenie:
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