Telephone jokes 

How does a cheerleader answer the phone?

H-E-L-L-O!

How does a lobster answer the phone?

Shello?

How do, like, really laid-back types answer
the phone?
Mellow.

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone
wire?
She wanted to lay it on the line!

What do you get if you cross a telephone

with a fat football player?
A wide receiver.

What do you get if you cross a telephone
with a
night crawler?
Ringworm!

How do scaredy-cats answer the phone?

Yellow?

Hello, police? Please send an officer over
to 324 London Road
right away!
Sorry, this isn't the police
station. It's the Delicatessen.
Oh. Well, in that case, please send
over a pastrami sandwich!

What do
you get if you cross a phone
with a rooster?
A wake-up call!

What animals talk on the telephone the most?

The yakety-yaks!

Caller: My goodness, Operator! Your nose is
so
stuffed up, I can't understand you. You should really take
something for
that cold.
Operator: Good idea. I'll take the rest
of the day off!

How can you tell if a bee is on the phone?

You get a buzzy signal.

Party Host: Hello?
Phone Caller: I'm
trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima.
Could you please
ask if anybody at your party knows her?
Party Host: I'd be glad
to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but
does anybody know Ima
Nidiot?

Caller: Operator! Operator! Call me an

ambulance!
Operator: Okay. You're an ambulance!

Caller: Operator! Operator! I don't know

what's wrong with my phone, but I can't make long distance calls
any
longer!
Operator: Don't worry. Your long distance calls are
long enough
already!

What do you get if you cross a telephone

and a marriage bureau ?
A wedding ring !

What do you get if you cross a pig and a
telephone ?
A lot of crackling on the line !

When doesn't a telephone work

underwater?
When it's wringing wet!

Caller: Operator! Operator! Do you know my

boyfriend's line has been busy for an hour?
Operator: No, but
if you hum a few bars, I might be able to sing along
with you.

What do you get when you cross a telephone
with a pair of
pants?
Bell-bottoms!