Mental health jokes 

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small

bucket.
You do look a little pail.

Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59
seconds
to live.
Wait a minute please.

Doctor, I have a ringing in my
ears.
Don't answer!

Doctor, doctor, I'm
manic-depressive.
Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm

Doctor, doctor, I keep
trying to get
into fights.
And how long have you had this complaint?
Who wants
to know?

Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate,

one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank!
And how long
have you had this complaint?
What complaint?

Doctor, doctor, I feel so short!
No
problem. Hop up on the couch.

Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I

say.
Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?

Doctor, doctor,
people keep telling
me I'm ugly!
Lay on the couch, face down.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a

spoon.
Sit there and don't stir.

Doctor, Doctor,
I think I'm a
bridge.
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a
coach.

How many psychologists does
it take
to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb will change itself when
it's ready.

How many
psychologists does it take
to change a light bulb? Just one, but the
light bulb really has to
want to change.

How many psychologists does it
take
to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits.

How many psychiatrists does it take to

change a light bulb? ''How long have you been having this

phantasy?''

What do Psychologists say to each

other when they meet?''
''You're fine, how am I? ''

How many psychoanalysts does it take to
change a light bulb?
''How many do you think it takes?''

How many psychiatrists
does it take
to change a light bulb? One, but he must consult the
DSM-IV.

How many psychiatrists does it take to
change a light bulb? ''Why does
the light bulb necessarily have to
change?''

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm

under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with
people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I,
YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!